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| Mrs. Kenya K. Stevens |
Often the subject of progressive, or “open” relationships comes up. To some men they sound like the stuff dreams are made of...the ability to be with multiple women without punishment. For the ladies, I’ve heard mixed emotions ranging from, “HAYYYLLLE to the NAHLL, my man is mine! I’m not sharing" to “Well, hell, I’d rather know what’s going on, then be lied to and betrayed behind my back.”
Now, I’m no expert on relationships, especially the open kind, so I contacted the person I felt was best qualified to speak on this topic of open relationships and what they really are like for the couples who choose this path.
I’m super excited to share with you my recent interview with celebrity love coach, best selling author, and founder of The Progressive Love Movement, Mrs. Kenya K. Stevens.
Kenya and her husband Carl, have a successful, loving, open relationship and she has offered us her insight about how they have made it work. It’s a good read! Enjoy!
~Unique
Explain some things that may let a couple know that they are ready to open their relationship?
I wrote an article on this one... Ten Ways To Know You're Ready For An Open Relationship. But the key points are simple. Do you know the real purpose of sex? Do you know about tantric sex? Do you know that sex is sacred? Do you understand the true purpose of relationships?
The answer to these questions are something many don’t even think about... and if they do, they have wavering answers... This won’t work in the open relationship set. Open relationships are about mindful living... responsible living and having a serious commitment and accountability to more than just one person, but especially to oneself!
Anyone who wants an open relationship must first have great relationships - with Self, Source, others, and a preferably a Primary love... Also, these persons must understand what a relationship is - relationships are OPPORTUNITIES FOR GROWTH - that’s all! Nothing more, nothing less. Sound romantic? I think not. The entire purpose of relating to other human beings is to be challenged to grow character.
Open relationships are not a joke. They should be embarked upon by mature people who know that leaving a relationship when the going gets tough, shaming and blaming others for relationships problems, and posing as victim in relationships are unacceptable. Most don’t think on this level, so I’d say most simply are not ready...
Give us some reasons why a couple may want to avoid an open relationship? What circumstances would make having an open relationship a bad idea?
It’s a bad idea to open a relationship in order to save the relationship. It won’t work. Another bad idea is opening a relationship where one partner is not on board. Both partners should be ready for the work and challenges that lie ahead.
To open the relationship means a rejection of typical American thought. This is not an easy undertaking! The staples of American relationships are jealousy, fear, insecurity and envy. TO sidestep these, both partners should be on board for the work!
What are some issues that develop once a couple decides to open their relationship? What are the typical points for resistance?
The points of resistance are simple. He is out with another woman and you are pissed, afraid, upset, off the hook and going crazy. Now what are you going to do? You have no idea, right? Which is why so many steer away from living authentic relationships such as open relationships.
The deal is that we need training to do this. In fact, we need training to Master Monogamy in the first place. There is no easy way to overcome 25+ years of baggage like anger issues, insecurity, jealousy, envy, and depression. Each challenge that arises in an open relationships should be met by two mindful people who realize they have to support one another.
For instance, my husband and I have both dealt with these feelings in our open marriage. We have had to support one another. So when either of us come home from another lover, we take time to re-integrate ourselves. Whomever was gone out with another, and even made love to another, comes close to the one who stayed home. We take time to let our partner know that we love them very much, missed them, and are fully in love and devoted to the other. This is called compassion. Necessary for open love.
How can both partners best prepare for the journey that is open relationships?
To prepare for the journey into open relationships, a couple must size up their singular relationship and make sure they know the ground rules. These are not actually rules at all as we believe rules are for fools. But these are foundational principles that we live by in our open relationship.
1. No shame No Blame - there should be no blaming or shaming the other for what they do, don’t do, or have done in the past... there can’t be for open relating to work!
2. No cop outs No Drop outs - there should be no exit route... this couple should be a forever things, that is the commitment.
3. No victims No Villains - make sure your relationship is free of placing either partner in the victim or villains roles... to open both parties have to know that they are each creating their own lives...
4. The purpose is Growth, The benefit is Love. - make sure you know the main purpose of relationships... Growth. The benefit of working through issues with your partner with a life long commitment is so that you can actually foster real love... real love has the four qualities listed here.
Q5. What advice would you have for someone who is or is considering being involved with a person in an open relationship?
Try not to consider the idea of having your new partner leave their current relationship. This is the problem with single people dating married people, or people in open relationships. They want exclusivity but this is not the nature of an open relationship. This has to be known and accepted up front. No secret motive to the contrary...
Find out more about open love and relationships as well as tightening up your monogamous relationship here at JujuMama - http://jujumama.com http://jujumamablog.com
Be sure to grab our books - Tame Your Woman and Change Your Man
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